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Confusion
Posted On 07/25/2008 21:49:18 by jks1

I am at a point where I am questioning my parenting skills. With my son Aaron being Autistic, I feel very lost on what I'm supposed to do! I don't know when and if I'm too easy on him, or at times if I'm too hard. When my son is *stimming like crazy he often goes after his sister and knocks her to the ground. Sometimes she cries a bit but has never been hurt. I feel like it's not his fault he just can't control himself sometimes. So I just don't feel right punishing him. My husband on the other hand will often yell at him (which I'm absolutely against) or sit him on a time out. Aaron will respond to that by crying hysterically which again leads me to beleive he doesn't understand why hes being punished. My son is not one to cry. I guess I'm just having a hard time deciphering when he should or should not be held accountable for certain actions. It often makes me feel like a not so great mother. I mean, should I not know my child better than that?

*stimming-

v. to self-stimulate; (specifically) among autistic people, to fixate on a comforting or compelling thing or action (such as rocking or humming); to perseverate. Also n., a (self-)stimulating thing or behavior.

Stim or Stimming: Self-stimulatory behaviour; repetetive motor or vocal mannerisms engaged in by people with ASDs. They are usually used to either calm or excite the nervous system and often as a response to strong emotion




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Viewing 1 - 3 out of 3 Comments

11/11/2008 18:25:15

Been there.  My autistic son is 6 1/2 and I have two typical daughters, ages 9 and 4.  My son would pick on his older sister but eventually she learned that he was wanting a reaction out of her (like crying or screaming) so she stopped reacting (smart girl) and he then stopped messing with her.  Now my younger daughter, who just turned 4, is a different story.  She hasn't quite figured out WHY he picks on her.  I think he's fascinated by her reaction to being shoved or hit or having her toys taken away.  She'll eventually learn, I figure.  My son was diagnosed PDD-NOS at age 2 and finally Autistic (moderate to severe range) at age 4.  Until we received that formal diagnosis, my husband blamed me for his strange and unruly behaviors.  He said I wasn't strict enough.  My husband would yell at him or try to put him in time-outs, too.  Hubby is SLOWLY learning what autism really means, but it really hurt my feelings and I'm still hurt.  I know you posted this back in July, but I'm new to the group and your blog really hit home with me.  I'm hoping that things are getting better for you.  Are you a member of CVASA?  I am.
Take care,
Linda
gilbubkatmom



07/29/2008 11:46:35

Hey just wanted to let  you know that there are alot of moms that feel the way that you do.  I always say that God did not give out a handbook on the right way to raise a child and how to handle all the diiferent obstacles that come with life.  I can't imagine being in your shoes.  I have decided that talking and explaining to my children is what works the best but i have a child with ADHD and talking doesn't really work with him.  I have to make sure that he is looking me in the eyes and that i make it short and keep his attention.  Good luck and God bless.



07/25/2008 22:41:11

Being a mom and figuring out how to punish your children is hard enough, so I can only imagine what it would be like with a child that does not understand. No one nos your child better then you and as frustrating as it is I bet you will figure out it might just not be over night which is true for anything in regards to being a mom. I feel like it is a constant trial and error and finding what works best for your family. Good luck and know that you will make the right decession




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